


Toxic Heteronormativity

by Crazy_Pairing_Person



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Gay Character, Gen, Humor, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned Byleth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:15:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22943902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_Pairing_Person/pseuds/Crazy_Pairing_Person
Summary: Sylvain offers Linhardt advice on confessing to Caspar. Linhardt is less than receptive to the suggestion he makes.
Relationships: Caspar von Bergliez/Linhardt von Hevring, Sylvain Jose Gautier & Linhardt von Hevring
Kudos: 57





	Toxic Heteronormativity

"Hm..."

Sylvain didn't know Linhardt that well. He'll admit that. The two of them were originally in different houses, after all, though the newest professor had just recruited both of them into the Golden Deer house within a week of each other.

So that alone was as good of a reason as any to go bother the guy about what he's thinking about so intently.

It was either that or try to find Felix, anyway.

"Hey! Linhardt! What's up in that mind of yours?"

"Huh?" Linhardt turned, blinking slowly. "Sylvain..." He hummed. "Perhaps I could use your assistance with this, actually."

Sylvain perked up. "Oh, really? Well, I'm always happy to help out a classmate! Lay it on me!"

"Okay. I was wondering about the best way to go about confessing my love to someone."

"Ah! You've come to the right man!"

"You came to me, but sure."

"There's no one better at winning a woman's heart than I, Sylvain Jose Gautier!" He smirked at Linhardt. "So, first, you-"

"It's not a woman."

He paused. Blinked. "...Huh?"

"It's not a woman. I'm in love with Caspar," Linhardt said, calm and unimpressed. A slight hint of venom could be detected in his tone. "Honestly, your toxic heteronormativity isn't a good thing. Especially not when our professor is _clearly_ gay, too. Best keep it to yourself from now on."

"What the-! Wait, wait, wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be... Toxicly heteronormative?" Sylvain sighed and crossed his arms. "Right, let's start over, then."

"Yes, let's." Linhardt nodded. His hostility, though barely there in the first place, was gone now.

"Yeah. Okay, so, Caspar, right?" He didn't know that guy very well, either - though, Byleth had recently been trying to recruit him, as well, into the Golden Deer, so that probably wouldn't be a problem for much longer now.

However, there was one thing he knew...

"He likes training, right?"

"'Like' would be an understatement," Linhardt said. "I wouldn't be surprised if he wields that axe of his in his sleep..."

Sylvain chuckled. "Yeah. Okay, so, what about if you challenge him to a duel-"

"And I'm walking away."

"What?!"

"I'm not interested in a confession that would take effort. Disgusting. I'm only confessing in the first place to save myself the effort of trying to hide my feelings. Why would I trade one form of effort for another form?"

Sylvain groaned. "You didn't even let me finish!" When Linhardt didn't respond, he continued, "You challenge him to a duel, and tell him that the stakes are that the loser has to confess to his crush. Then, you lose on purpose."

Linhardt frowned. "And what if Caspar says he doesn't have a crush?"

"Then it's time for you to turn and run away, because that would mean you shouldn't confess since he doesn't think of you that way."

"Uh..."

"So? Good plan?"

Linhardt scrunched up his nose. "Well, it's... Uh... It's _a_ plan, yes..." He gave an awkward cough. "I'm going to keep thinking though, if it's all the same to you."

Sylvain frowned, but he held up his hands in defeat. "Fine. But hey, if you end up doing it, let me know how it goes. I expect to be a best man at your wedding, too."

"My best man would sooner be a pile of rocks than someone who tried to tell me to exert energy."

"Ouch..."


End file.
